The Metros: Cockpit Leeds.
It was Paul Parker I think, as The Metro’s trundle ineptly through some more predictable chord changes, predictable stage skulduggery and add to their already numerous mellifluous oversights.
It was Paul Parker who scored that thunderbolt against Norwich in the Coca Cola League cup second round replay.
I should explain: Such was my boredom at being confronted by a band that lacked any palpable shred of a) stage-presence b) ability c) talent d) charisma e) a plethora of other adjectives a successful band needs, that my eyes began to wander, resting finally on a man stood at the bar who looked unerringly like a young Steve Bruce.
Steve Bruce I thought, what a man, quite unlike the anaemic stage school muppets pretending to be a band in front of me.
Don’t get me wrong there is nothing malicious about The Metros, they are just distinctly awful.
The kind of awful that makes you want to push glass in your ears, which I genuinely considered during ‘Talk About It’.
Take the Maccabees, remove their charm and talent, mix that with The Kooks’ originality and the charisma of an acute yeast infection and your halfway to understanding how morbidly poor this band is.
Don’t take my word for it. Let me quote a young trendy couple stood behind me:
“Do you like these?”
“Nah they’re shit, want to go bowling?”
“I don’t like bowling.”
“Neither do I, but lets go though.”
I tried, I really did, I persevered and attempted to nod along, I just couldn’t. And as their songs became one incompressible dirge, long forgotten memories of Manchester United’s 90s triumphs were just a far more palatable proposition.
“Gary Pallister! Remember when he scored 2 against Liverpool, that was ace,” I thought, as The Metro’s bid the baying local Leeds dilettantes farewell.
I’d like to meet the person from 1965 Records that saw this band and thought “Yes, there is a group of young men with real talent and something to say, and their tunes ain’t half bad either.”
I’d like to meet them, so I could restrain them appropriately and have them promptly sectioned.
Review by Oliver Jones
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